5. Natural & Personal Odors

I would emphasize at this point, that I deal only with such emotions and sensations as lie within the limits of normal sexuality: limits which are wide and various enough in all conscience! Morbid deflections, twisted and abnormal desires have no place in the physiology of marriage, in spite of their primitive ramifications, manifold diversity, and extraordinary frequency in the whole field of sexual life. And perfect marriage should be kept free from their taint, with all the knowledge and power at our command. And we shall be ever careful to keep those sinister portals closed.

The sense of hearing has, I think, been underestimated unduly by many authorities with reference to its erotic effects.

Indeed, the realm of sounds, harmonic and melodic, has erotic witchery of the utmost power for those who are both aesthetically and sexually sensitive. Music is not the only form of auditory impression with a powerful sexual appeal. The sexual impulse is far more often powerfully stirred by the intensely personal medium of the human voice; of a special voice.

The tone-color of a voice, and the intonation of a single word – and it may be a word with no special meaning or associations in itself – may excite incredible intensity of desire. The unique and precious significance that a woman's voce can give to such a word can suffice to overwhelm a man's powers of endurance and control, or to bring about the climax of erotic expression in the orgasm.

Personal qualities or idiosyncrasies are of great significance in the association of sexual emotion with the sense of smell. This is the case both in perception of and reaction to olfactory stimuli, and as regards the special personal odors.

Olfactory susceptibility us a very diverse and uncertain factor. There are persons in whom it hardly exists. There are certainly many who have no conception of the sexual significance of odors and who are not conscious of any reaction to odors. Inasmuch as they are here anesthetic and inappreciative, they lose a delectable relish to love. I would advise such persons to give their attention to the subject of odors, to become acutely conscious of the enjoyment they derive from the subtle and various scents exhaled by the body they love.

And human beings differ in their own individual odors as much as in their olfactory reactions. It must be of course understood that the term "personal odors" does not include such noxious by-products as the effluvia of unclean bodies or clothing, of the gases produced by waste matter in the bowels, or of breath saturated with garlic or other injudicious food! Or, indeed, of all and any such sexually repulsive or aesthetic care, which must be avoided as the negation of all wholesomeness and charm.

But in all these intimate matters the personal tastes of the "consumer" are as important as the idiosyncrasy of the "producer" of the odors in question. This was strikingly proved to me during a visit from two young men of my acquaintance, who were also mutual friends. The conversation touched on a certain young lady. One of the youths – he was only twenty two – said carelessly and certainly without in the least realizing the true significance of his words: "Oh, no, I don't like her as a dancing partner. She is a nice girl, but – she has such a disagreeable smell!" The friend, of the same age and equally naïve, replied: "Do you really think so? I don't understand that at all; it is just the smell that emanates from her that I like!"

A further instance is so remarkable that I will not deprive you of the details. I know of a case in which a young married lady can perceive and differentiate the momentary mood and psychic condition of her husband – whose breath has been affected by constant smoking – by the varying odors emanating from his skin! She describes these odors as follows: Slightly sweet when he is in good humor; slightly sour in fatigue; and extremely acrid in anger and strong excitement, becoming the more pungent and penetrating the more he loses emotional balance and control.

4. Sexual Sensations and External Stimuli

In the preceding notes, we observed the evolution of the impulse of sex, from the simple urge to reproduce, through various stages of development, culminating in perfect marriage. And we have obtained a definite idea of the manner in which the various elements composing the impulse to sexual activity, may be and are, influence from within the organism by physiological processes, and psychological trends and experiences.

We must now endeavor to represent the impressions and sensations arising from external causes, which may either stimulate or inhibit sexual activity.

Alongside the various psychic qualities we meet the attractive forces of sensory impressions between the sexes. And the evolution from the simple impulse of sexual approach to Love, consists in apprehending and selecting the particular individual who combines in themselves the greatest number and highest degree of psychic and sensory attractions. This is termed “Sexual Selection” by many authorities.

And even after the evolution of Love, these charms and attractions do not lose their value. They are necessary to preserve love, for courtship can only be inspired and effected afresh under their spell.

Love means taking pleasure in seeing, touching, perceiving with every sense, and in the closest possible contact, someone whom we find lovely and who loves us.

Let us therefore pass in review the erotic influence of the various physical senses.

3. Love As Personal Emotion

All manner of emotions and mental processes have crystallized round the impulse of sexual approach: they form the complex, the abstract conception of love, without personal differentiation and fixation.

And whatever defects the human object suffers in comparison with the perfect beloved, are of no importance, for the love impulse attributes all that is desirable, all that is admirable, to the beloved being.

At first shy, stolen meeting – a word – a look, given and returned; the immortal flame shoots upwards, love is born in a sense of indescribable exaltation and joy.

And the impulse of approach, sublimated into love, now unfolds itself more and more frankly and fully. It thrives and puts forth leaves and bus, and gradually the lovers attain full union and communion. In that moment, when youth and girl are fulfilled in and by one another, the impulse to approach and the desire for consummation find each other, and merge into a new integral emotion. Love is come of age, and is in flower. Now, and now only, can it bloom right.

Love which has unfolded both its highest potentialities of joy and dignity and moral value, through marriage, can permanently bless both partners. It can do so; but, how often do the fairest feelings fade, the most solemn intentions subside! “The spirit is willing, but he flesh is weak”; and sometimes even the spirit does not remain “willing” for long!

And in this perpetual combat between instinctive sexual attraction and equally instinctive sexual repulsion, there are only two ways of preserving the happiness and permanence of the union: the finest and strongest altruistic emotion first and foremost, and then the prompt and constant enhancement of the attractive factors, so that antipathy remains dormant and has no opportunity to develop.

But specific sexual incongruence or incompatibility must be guarded against, and the impulse must be developed to at least approximate activity and intensity in both partners; relapses must be specifically avoided. And all this is possible! But certainly not easy. It is possible if the process of courtship is ever renewed afresh. If both partners “meet each other half-way”; are attentive, and adaptable to one another’s needs; display initiative and ingenuity in stimulating and satisfying one another’s needs; and by a culture of erotic technique beyond all present marital usage. That is: happiness is attained and preserved in the perfect marriage.

Announcement Regarding Speaking Engagements

I have received several inquiries requesting information for my services as a speaker. While each event will have its own requirements, I am happy to provide a general outline of what my typical contract must contain. If you require clarfication, please contact me via email.

1. If the group to which I will speak to is of mixed gender, they must be separated in the seating (this includes married men and women).

2. When addressing me with a question (at the end of my lecture), questioners may refer me to as Sadhu.

3. Meals are to be provided by the individual/organization which sponsors me and must be vegetarian. Ideally, I would like it to be provided on traditional banana leaves as is custom in my native India.

4. Although I have no objections to people who practice homosexuality, I prefer audience members do not consist of homosexuals. The talk will pertain only to heterosexual people and I prefer not to get mired in the recent controversial topics in the USA about homosexual marriage.

5. A mutually agreed fee will be paid at the beginning of the lecture in American dollars. Transportation must be provided by the sponsoring individual/organization.

5A. I cannot travel at night.

6. Background music must be provided before, during, and after the speaking engagement. My preference is calm traditional classical Indian music consisting of sitar and mridangum. (Conversely Western music an also be provided if it is instrumental. In the past I have had popular western music by such musical acts as Massive Attack, Morceeba, Thievery Corporation played by the disc jockey as background music. All western music must be approved by me at least 3 weeks
prior to the speaking engagement).

7. Visitors are permitted backstage after the speaking engagement. However, there can be no physical contact between myself and the visitors.

8. Consumption of alcohol, dairy, recreational drugs are not permitted in the venue before, during or immediately after the speaking engagement.

A more detailed agreement can be sent upon confirmation of date,
venue, fees. etc.

2. The Evolution of The Sexual Impulse

Life is dominated by the urge of self-preservation and by sexual urge. The former preserves the individual, the latter the race. For biological purposes racial preservation is more urgent than individual survival, therefore the urge of sex is stronger than hunger, stronger than fear. Among animals, the most apt and vigorous males are the first to risk their lives in nuptial combats for their mates; the same is true of primitive man. And in civilization we may daily observe that human beings expose themselves to all possible danger and difficulties in order to satisfy this imperious longing, and frequently sacrifice life itself on the Altar of Love.

1. Preliminary. Marriage, Actual & Ideal

I show you here the way to perfect marriage.

You know the honeymoon of rapture. It is all too short, and you soon decline into that morass of disillusion and depression, which is all you know of marriage.

But the bridal honeymoon should blossom into the perfect flower of the perfect marriage.

May my words help you to attain such happiness.

---

Marriage is often a failure. On that point there can be no doubt. It can be the gate of an earthly Eden, but it is, in actual fact, often a hell of torment.

It should be, in the true sense of the word, a Purgatory, that is, a state of purification; but how rarely is that attained!

Then, should we abolish marriage?

Many voices have clamored for its destruction, but that have not shown a more excellent way.

And a far greater number have defended this immemorial institution - the most distinguished thinkers among them.

Marriage is sacred to the believe Christian, Hindu, Muslim (and all others).

Indispensable to the Social Order.

Absolutely necessary in the interests of the children.

It offers the only - even though relative - security to the woman's love of love, and of giving in love.

And men too, on the whole, find in the permanent recognition and responsibility of marriage, the best background for useful and efficient work.

For all these reasons, and also because I believe the permanence of monogamous love-unions to be in the line of sexual evolution and to offer the strongest altruistic leaven to the primitive egotism of Nature's mighty urge - I, too, believe in marriage.

Much is suffered in and through marriage.

But without marriage, humanity would have to suffer much more.

The four corner-stones of the temple of love and happiness in marriage are:

(1) A right choice of marriage partner.

(2) A good psychological attitude of the partners, both to the world in general and to each other.

(3) A solution of the problem of parentage which meets the wishes of both partners.

(4) A vigorous and harmonious sex life.

Sex is the foundation of marriage. Yet most married people do not know the A, B, C of sex. My task here is to dispel this ignorance, and show ways and means of attaining both vigor and harmony in monogamous sexual relations.

I address myself to married men, for they are naturally educators and initiators of their wives in sexual matters; and yet they often lack, not only the qualifications of a leader and initiator, but also those necessary for equal mutual partnership!

They have no realization of their deficiencies. For the average man, of average "normal" genital potency, who performs his "conjugal duties" regularly and with physiological satisfaction to himself, still imagines that he has thereby met all the requirements his wife can make. And if she is not satisfied, and remains in a permanent condition of "suspended gratification" then, with regret or indignation according to his own type of temperament, he simply puts her down as one of those "sexually frigid" women, laments his bad luck, and drifts further and further apart from her.

If he has been fortunate enough to wed a woman of warmer and more spontaneous temperament, who is obviously not indifferent to the rites of marriage - of those rites take place in the same invariably scheduled manner, with no varieties of local stimulation or sensory adornment - sexual satiety will in a few short years intrude itself into the consciousness of both, and equally imperil their marriage. For monotony can only be relived by variation, and, to the uninstructed man, the only possible variation seems to be in the object of his efforts; and the rift in the lute is there, and widens.

Introductory Statement

I will state many things which would otherwise remain unsaid. Therefore, it will have many unpleasant results for me. I know this, for I have gradually attained to some knowledge of my fellow human beings and of their habit of condemning what is unusual and unconventional.

So long as a sadhu has to meet the requirements of his practice, he cannot permit himself to transgress the bounds of custom.

But he who is set free from those requirements - free at last to say what he believes to be both righteous and necessary - has the duty to speak out before the world.

So, I must write down what I have learnt to be true and right; I could not face the evening of my life with a quiet conscience if I omitted to do so. There is need of this knowledge; there is too much suffering endured which might well be avoided, too much joy which could enhance life's worth.

So I will meet all blame and annoyance arising therefrom with untroubled mind, and in the hope - nay, the certainty - that many men and women, even of they dare not say so, will breathe their thanks in the privacy of their nuptial chamber.